Pain and Change

I feel so speechless
Yet the words
Are pouring through my head.
Finally the heart of the matter
Has been opened,
And I begin to see.

The fog is so thick
So blinding
Unclear and grey and hazy.
Put out my hands and fall.
Someone catches me
And helps me through the night.

It's like...a door...
With a key lost
Fumbling frantically to find it.
Like an oozing sore...
That I know the pain but
Cannot find the source.

Suddenly a cry to God
And He answers
In a flash, when least expected.
Flashes of truth
Pierce the darkness with shards
Of radiant hope and glorious light.

I start to comprehend
Little things that
Never made sense to me before.
Been coming for weeks
And only now
Can I understand the change coming.

The biggest since
I chose love
Over running away from it.
That's why the demons
Are fighting so hard
To stop me now. Because they know.

So does God
In Whom I trust.
So do those leading me.
I can't see. But I know
He won't let go.
Teach me Thy paths.

Purify. No matter the cost.

Half Day's Holiday

Body shaking,
Back is aching
From my skin is leaking sweat.
And I know
As poems go
This isn't quite what you'd expect.

But having fun
On potato run,
And digging them o'er and o'er.
Looking for pots,
And digging up rocks,
Is the potato hoer.

Twilight here
And darkness near
Trying to hunt the gold.
Striking a patch
Finding them match
Wishing I didn't feel old!

Lift a glass
Toast the last
Potatoes homegrown this year.
Gathering in,
For Christmas din,
More precious than gold, they're here.

:D

Worth the Wait?

"Worth the Wait" by 33 Miles,
Playing clearly in my head.
Even as it starts to end,
And the final words are said.
Through the voice saying "Hold on"
Another whispers, "Is it worth the wait?"
A path more easy lies before,
And it holds wide the gate.

Bypath Meadow's always easy,
And grass is greener on the other side,
And the softer path's at hand to travel.
Can the steadfast voice have lied?
Can it ever be worth the wait?
Is it enough to keep believing?
Is God's timing never late?
Will He my cries be always receiving?

Trying to walk a double path,
The split will split yourself in two.
Following God or the easy way,
What you know - or know naught but God's Truth?
The heart is sore and overcharged
About to split itself with grief.
He came to share our burdens...
To lift up the fallen and weak.

Blindly clinging to His Hand,
The promise He's given is true.
Praying He'll help me out of the mess,
And start once more anew.
Focused on the path that's hard
And stony, all rugged, uphill.
Not blinded by the green bypath,
Only hearing His "Peace, be still."

"Be still, and know that I am God.
Trust, I will bring to pass.
Faithful I am to My promises,
Keep going, none of this will last.
I'm testing you through the Refiner's fire,
To make you in My image each day.
Don't give up and follow the easier road,
You'll miss all the blessings along the way."

So I sigh and resigned, I open my eyes,
And look around, waiting to hear.
And once more, "It's Worth the Wait"
Starts sounding in my ears.
Suddenly I'm aware I can go on no more,
I'm done and my strength is all through.
But there's something inside that won't give up -
It's Him - He's breaking through.

I want to give up, for an easier path,
But the hardcore of God won't give in.
Crucify self to the cross of His love,
And purging our flesh of the sin.
Shaping us, changing us, through each mortal step,
Though there's terrible pain on the way,
Through each of the choices we make in our lives,
"Oh Lord, You know. Have Your own way."


Right now I want to give up so badly. Give up and go the easier road. But just as I let go and tell God, I can't do it any more, I realise there's something else that isn't letting go - as before. Over, and over. It's the Hand of God, holding me to the promise I made. Changing me through it and in it and because of it over and over. And suddenly, I'm aware of His presence. And I know I'm carrying on - because I can't. But He can.

Close of a Friendship

Was getting used to being alone.
The silent smile.
The shadows of people who were once there,
And now are not and never can be.
But I never realised I was
Still attached to the shadows,
And have to let go of the shadows
To let the light of a future come in.

But that means saying goodbye...
And somehow, one never thinks
Even after they're gone,
That they'll only come back to say
Goodbye.
People merge from two to one
From one to two
From old to new.

And people come, and people go
And then they wonder at my silent smile.
And wonder why, as they stop to dig a while,
Why they don't get anywhere.
Cause I know, as they will learn soon,
That the digging is going to happen,
And that they'll uncover something -
And end up trashing it and moving on.

There's something more beautiful
Always lying in the distance,
And people ruin what they have now
Just to grasp at what's coming.
It's funny, you see...
People don't understand me.
Because I silently watch and silently smile
And hide me away because they'll leave in a while.

Some folks will vanish,
Some people just leave.
Some never came,
Some promised they'd cleave.
Some said they'd stick
Every inch of the way,
And some people forget me
Back in yesterday.

However, I can take
The rude curious stare
The rough careless hands
That try and hold me then let go.
See, I've got a God Who's
More powerful than you.
What you drop, He catches,
And cares for, and loves, and holds.

Don't think I'm alone in the silence.
I'm not. I learned to find God there.
In the stillness is where you find Him.
Even in the worst, worst pain.
People don't understand. Can't. Run away. Hide.
He doesn't. He's been here before.
So when you see me talking to thin air, don't care.
I'm talking to God, cause He's there.
The only One Who really cares.

Yeah, and on a final note,
Shadows, you can go when you please.
I'm here if you need me,
And I'm not if you don't.
But please don't try and hurt me by fake concern
When you're going to go.
And last thing - don't apologise for your friendship.
Cause I believed you once. And then - it hurts.
I don't want to hurt unless it's necessary.
And that isn't.

So thank you.
God be with you.
Goodbye.

The Real Silence

So much to talk about,
So much to say.
It seems all I can do
Is push you away.
Feeling the words
Nobody can hear
And nobody ever will
View every tear.

Losing the grasp
Of knowing the words
Growing into a silence
That nobody heard.
Understanding the cries
Of others in here,
Wondering if they too
Are full of fear.

So much to tell you-
My fear is a block,
Pushing you away,
And nothing can stop.
Two Silence victims
Attempting to reach
Each other through the gap
They don't know how to breach.

It's the Silence all right
We leave with no regret,
Turn away from them
Because we forget
How to break Silence
With question and truth -
That we were in the Silence;
Soon we lose all the proof.

Sometimes I wonder
As I reach out to space
And grasp empty air
To fill my embrace
How to break Silence
And break out of it.
Can God fill the Silence
And enveloping, fit?

What can You do?
Who can reach out?
Where are Your Hands
To empty this drought?
Why am I in Silence?
Will they always forget?
What it's like to be here
To be dry, not dew-wet?

Where are You in the Silence
In the darkness and space?
Where are Your Arms
To fill my empty embrace?
Take from me longing,
Take from me will
Fill me with Thyself,
And make me be still...

Where are You?

Sinner's Despair

A tearless sorrow too deep for words,
A sin repeated - can her cry be heard?
Repent and repeat
By her wayward feet.
Head hanging low, she turns away,
Can there be forgiveness for her today?

It's been offered so often before,
She accepted, then went and sinned some more.
All words, broken vows,
Pledge once more, she trow.
Head hanging low, she turns away.
Forgiveness abused. Any more today?

Numbly blank and easily angered,
How easy when fallen again more to err.
Dejection, despair,
Once again turn to prayer?
Head hanging low, at the foot of the Cross,
She falls - can she weep? For His and her loss.

Symphony of Praise

As the tears drip down my face,
I stop to wonder at Your grace.
Message of hope come from a friend
When life's treadmill hits "never end".
Reminds me You're not done with me,
This waiting's not eternity.

I step out into the morning air,
With wondering eyes and breathe a prayer
Of thankful heart and sing Your praise,
At Your artistry through every day.
Each morning every cloud is new,
Colours fresh and breezes true.

As I whisper prayers and song,
"Be Thou my vision" as I walk along,
I feel my smallness and I smile
At Your nearness for a while.
Surrounded by Your glory close,
Peace unspeakable from You flows.

The broken flower in my path,
A laughable name in my daily track.
The excitement of home and coming online,
Being with family and friends for a time.
There's darkness and light, there's depression and praise,
Dwelling not on the storm, but on Heavenly rays.

Something's Coming.

I'm restless, bursting with energy,
A feeling I cannot contain.
I'm seeing the bigger picture,
In a clarity hereto yet ungained.
I sit on my bed and type,
With a room at my feet to complete -
And I know there's a world that is stirring,
With a power I have yet to meet.

I know the world out there is dark,
The lights of Christian faith burning dim.
But something out there is coming,
And I'm positive I'm burning for Him.
There's potential in so many people,
This generation is starving for more.
God has called us and set us alight,
If not to light the world, then what for?

I've been with the next generation.
The young people who sit at home
Go out to club or on a date,
Or play games and "BORED" they moan.
And been with another generation,
Young people called by God, set apart.
They have a purpose, a fire,
God, let what's coming, start!

There's an irradience, a beauty,
A passion we're dying to meet.
Oh God, what can it be
That's driving us to our feet?
We long and long to serve You,
To show Your glory and power.
But keep us waiting, Father,
Teach us patience til Your hour.

We have so much that's left to learn,
And will til eternity.
The passion, God, let it linger,
Fill our hearts with fire for Thee!
Teach us humble submission.
Teach us to love Your ways.
Remove ourselves entirely.
Then use us - to Your praise.

Day of Praise

Awaking with the morning sun,
Praise God for the day begun.
Absorb it, get a sunshiny face,
And praise Him for His mercy and grace.

Come before Him in prayer and praise,
Worship Him, awed and amazed.
Look for His mercies through the day,
Glorify Him in every way.

All you do, give glory to Him,
Whether your day is bright or dim.
No matter what you're going through,
God can use it to change you.

Attitude determines good or bad,
Even though the road is happy or sad.
Joy can be found through looking to Him -
Your blessings can be seen in EVERYTHING!

So praise your Maker, bless His Name!
Praise, extol and tell His fame.
Share of His mercies, truth and Light,
And thank Him as you sleep at night.

My Birthday Song

Happy birthday to me,
Breakfast, dinner, tea.
Though in the USA,
I'm British to a tee.

Happy birthday, it's true.
Nineteen, colonising you.
Wave the US flag, talk British -
You'll be surprised quite soon.

Happy birthday at last,
Revolution in the past.
Singlehanded, won American hearts -
Beat this, King George, that fast.

Vive le United Kingdom et United States.