Welcome to my blog. I'm afraid it won't be updated too frequently, as I only write when moved to write. These are a group of my poems, as written through the often difficult trek of the past nine months (at present) of my life.
I hope they speak to you and somehow reach the chords of your life, and that God will bring you through as He without doubt is doing to me.

God bless you.
~Jane Johnson,
August 14th, 2010

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's Like A Dream

It’s like a dream.
I stand open mouthed, watching myself
In awestruck horror. How can I stoop
To letting them use me this way again?

It’s like a dream.
Part of me retreats into myself.
What excuse can I have this time
To explain what has gone on?

It’s like a dream.
A reality dream to crush a dream,
Not believing that the dream I want
Most to live won’t die.

It’s like a dream.
Allowing them to laugh and jeer
To look me over like an object
Treating me as no more than a harlot.

It’s like a dream.
A repeated nightmare ever living
Why am I allowing the name of God
In His daughter to be defamed?

It’s like a dream.
To save His name I deny Him.
How much more traitorous and
A worthless wretch can I be?

It’s like a dream.
I know He can forgive me
And I know He still loves me,
But I don’t feel worthy of it.

It’s like a dream.
Shaking with fear, I think
Of the man I love whom also
I have betrayed by allowing this.

It’s like a dream.
I fear his response,
I fear his kindness, love and pity.
I am afraid of him.

It’s like a dream.
I did this to hurt myself
So badly that I would cease dreaming
Because I fear that dream won’t live.

It’s like a dream.
I can’t believe this is me
That is doing this action replay.
Gutter rat, crawling back.

It’s like a dream.
A horrid nightmare.
I daren’t embrace the other
And maybe that’s why.

It’s like a dream.
And I’m going to turn
My back on it and reach
Out for the one I want to live.

It’s like a dream.
And one I will try to forget
And pray to God that someday
I can live my true dream.

It’s like a dream.
And if so, it will end.

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