Looking in the mirror, to see the painted facade I've become.
What can I do now but live to redo what's already done?
Looking back on the shiny, scratched reflection of the past,
Do I regret what I've done, now only scars, not pleasures, last?
Giving my heart away so young, completely, irresponsibly,
Betraying my God, my faith, my stand and friends who looked up to me.
A song, a word, a look, a time, brings the pain flaring back.
I withdraw in silent misery to memories of which there's no lack.
A moment's flirtation, lighthearted teasing, a meaningful word or glance.
A month where darkness was glorious light, and life was a lovely dance.
Then pain and the knowledge of betrayal settled on my soul.
Now can the emptiness ever be filled, my heart ever be made whole?
I pray and pray and pray again, weep tears I struggle to shed.
Is there repentance deep within - why is my heart like lead?
I fight to put the past behind, the memories, sorrow and shame.
Betrayals still stare me in the face. I struggle to ignore the pain.
Living a life that is a sham, with masked up wars within.
Trying to put my burdens behind, without facing up to sin.
Was it a sin to fall in love? To feel this lasting sorrow?
I cover the darkness, turn and fight - ignoring the past for tomorrow.