Breaking

I think it's a state of mental exhaustion.
Or is it depression?
No time for recession.
Life's going mad like a dog at my heels.
No time to feel
And let it heal.

I want the comfort I know secure again
Numbness through pain
Ignore the stains.
Knowing that each time brings a scar,
I'm fighting hard.
Can I win this far?

Suddenly I see through everyone's eyes
The way that I
Appear without disguise.
The disgust in their hearts I comprehend,
When will it end?
I can't bend.

I don't know what to love or hate
In this mental state,
Locking my gates.
Who to keep out or to let in,
Fighting within.
I can't win.

Comfort I know I cannot seek,
I am so weak,
The sky's so bleak.
Anything around that I can use?
It's not abuse...
I've blown a fuse.

Door slammed open, voices snap,
I crumble back,
Reach for the comfort zap.
Holding it, I tremble and wish
I could deal with this,
With no cowardice.