SMASHED

Love is full of emptiness.
Life is naught but pain.
Tears turn to sighing til
The tears come again.
Great rough hacking sobs
Uncontrollable
A heart bleeding and breaking
And it's unstoppable.

A love given and fought for,
Two years of history.
Betrayed and cleansed, forgiven -
A painful memory.
She said she'd never regret it
The hardest path she chose
And now the path is ended
The thornbush and no rose.

They think, now the tie is broke
The heart drops to the nearest hand.
Confident and eager
Painting pictures grand.
I chose the hardest path
Years of screams and sobs and tears
Of nightmares, dreams and loneliness,
Falling midst my fears.

I've seen a love I will ne'er possess
I've seen God's heart here.
This the only thing that stops
Regret of treading there.
My heart is his, my love is his
I can't turn so free away.
This is not a child's whim.
I'm a woman - this is no play.

I scream my sobs and anguish
And quote Scripture til I'm blue.
Reminding God of Job
Quoting Psalm 22.
I stop and silence falls
No whispers explaining why.
There's naught but sorrow in my heart
And darkness in the sky.

For there's no tomorrow
There's no joy to come.
The path of pain is wasted
No love's labours won.
Why must I always love
Where I can never be loved?
Why must those always love me
Who can never be beloved?

I keep thinking it must be ending
Nothing else could hurt me now.
What a laugh - the thing most precious
Is gone and I don't know how.
My heart's smashed down in pieces -
Please leave my love alone.
This is bitterness, not triumph.
It is not some dog's bone.

So I sit in silence
Make a new girl from the old.
Someone else must rise to take
Her place; one strong and bold.
Three years now in reversal.
Feminism takes my hand.
Men, begone and leave me.
God and me - this is my stand.


~Sian Grey