Start Again

I lie on the bed
Scanning idly on my phone
Listening to the noise outside.
So much to do
What can I do?
They're louder when I'm alone,
Those voices in my head.

I will achieve nothing.
This is my life.
I am lazy; I am selfish; I want attention.
This is what they say.
What can I say?
For all I know, they're right.
My life is as useless as they're saying.

I should get up, go out
Make my life something worth living.
Stop being a burden, start being a helpmeet.
They seep despair
And I despair.
What's the point in living?
There's nothing that I'm giving
To prove what life's about.

I grit my teeth, get up,
For I still have a life and breath.
I have to start again, when I know I'll mess up again.
God wants me to honour Him.
How is this honouring to Him?
My inner screaming makes me deaf;
Can't I just give up?

I'm a fighter - music tracks play once again,
But why does everything I touch in this life fail?
The privileges I have seen unfair to some
Because why do I feel this way when I have them?
What can I do?
Must make it through.
That's all there is to this tale.
Get up, fight on, win through this pain.
And start again.