Slammed Doors

You learn to deal with abnormality
So long that it becomes normality.
You smile serenely under the strain
And never realise all of the pain
Your face a single tear streaks,
Sudden a flood rolls down your cheeks.

Sitting here in silent sorrow
Told there's still a bright tomorrow.
You laugh and wonder why your eyes are dry,
Imagining safety where you weep and cry.
Listening to the sobs above,
So empty - despairing how to love.

A voice condemned, a fencepost sitter
Finds no comfort but only splinters.
The silence is silent and dark and cold
You wait to find the arms of God.
The only Friend but voiceless ones
Who long to share but cannot come.

Words to find, the wounds to tell
A mind blanks to form an hollow shell.
A life performed to bring some cheer,
But only sadness, no hope, you fear.
A step outside, vulnerability
A door is slammed, anonymity.

Left outside to the sound of weeping,
Where's the joy in your heart you're seeking?
People hurting, selfharming, that you care for so much,
Reach out and they're repelled by the touch.
Fight to the death for the hurt they're embracing.
So much of their lives they're erasing.

"You have no compassion for what I'm going through."
"Your eyes hold no comfort though your smile is true."
Maybe I don't know the hurt in your heart.
Maybe I don't share your grief from the start.
But open the door, allow me to linger.
And start accepting my hand, finger by finger.

What?

The darkness is coming
The shadows are near
The sheer icy fingers
Gripping me are named Fear.
Depression and doubt
And guilt and dread,
And shame and sorrow
To me are wed.

They say there's Light
In the Power of the Son.
They say there's Peace
When the battle is won.
Am I on the side
Of winners to gain?
Am I with the losers
In the downpour of rain?

Head that is spinning
With talking double at once.
Heart that is torn
With family and love.
Friendships in battle
And fear in the soul.
Wondering when
The wounds will be whole.

Eyes that are sadness
Eyes that are bright
Eyes that shine love
In the shadow of night.
Eyes that are reading
The pain that they see.
A heart that wants to
Help it all to cease.

A life that is restless,
Feet forced on a path.
Trying to ease heartbreak
With more caused at last.
Total surrender
The peace turns to hurt...
The mind becomes dull...
Pain makes it too alert.

Confusion...torn hearts...
Friends most disappear.
Coming and going
Like shadows each year.
Guilt that haunts
Collapse that comes
God, when will it end?
I just want to go home.

Then they come, say I'm wrong.
Say I should focus on now.
"Please stop being selfish."
And you're not selfish - how?
"We'd miss you so much."
Oh really? That's great.
Don't cry at my funeral,
For then it's too late.

"Depression and despair
All words it leaks through.
I'm always still praying.
We'll get through this too."
Heard it so often.
Repeat it right now.
And I'll laugh to scorn
At the millionth vow.

So God...You're still here.
I dance to Your call.
I walk through the silence...
Listen for Your footfall.
My heart rises at Your voice,
And dances in delight.
Thank You for being here
Making silence so bright.

Never alone.