To Love Anew

I am incredibly crap at poetry which steps outside of the usual rhythm. Forgive my wanderings into this. :P

I told you I loved you yesterday
And smiled at your reaction.
It seemed you had been waiting
In long and silent anxiousness
For those words.

The lady who saw us holding hands -
She had a degree, a successful career.
Her husband called her names
In public - bitch and ugly and she laughed
But her pain was so clear in her eyes.

How long have you been together?
It seemed another phrasing for
How long will you stay like this?
How long will the romance stay -
Us holding hands?

She told us her story with a smile
And hungry eyes and then left.
Then we went and I said to you -
I will always respect you -
Don't ever do that to me.

I told you then I loved you.
You said your heart beat faster.
I smiled and wondered -
Do you know what it means
To say that?

It's not just that I trust you
Or that I feel safe around you.
It's that I am making a choice -
A commitment, if you will, to leave
The past behind.

I still love him, I told you;
Maybe always will.
You said you want your own place
In my heart, and this is me
Letting you in.

I am committing to no more waiting
No more hoping, no more holding on.
I am committing to fighting anew
A war for you, for me and you.
To love forever.

And I know what stands in the way.
I know how much is about to hit us.
But I hope and pray you will stay.
That God will be with us.
I pray.

Understand?

I hope You understand
That I'm too tired to hold my ground
And when in my own might,
I try to fight for right.
It's not that I'm picking
The best path to the only Truth
It's only that I'm trying
To get closer, Lord, to You.
It's often I go wrong
The good influences are weak.
I try to stay where You placed me.
Like I was told.
But Lord, I keep going wrong,
And I know, but I'm too tired.
And You leave me to stand alone.
It seems. I feel.
I hope You understand
That I'm too tired to understand.

S.G-J.
04/09/15