Take all the pressure and suddenly
You can't any more.
Your body starts caving and your mind blanks
And you realise you're through.
And still they come,
The people who need you.
Need the strength, the support you give.
And you look up, and take God's Hand,
And somehow find the strength to give.
When you're lying there with your body
Completely limp.
Typing and trying to be cheerful
And suddenly everyone's gone.
You wonder how to carry on.
And find the strength outside of yourself
To drag one foot
In front of the other.
To stumble down the street mouthing the songs.
Then when you realise that at long last
Maybe you're dying.
And you smile, relief, and hope faintly.
And they say you're selfish.
Suddenly you're too weary even to die.
Survival, they say, is wrong.
You should be LIVING!
I wish they were me, to try and live.
To try and tread lightly instead of trudge the street.
Trust broken, they've gone again.
You study humans.
And you realise they think you're fine
Until something cracks or you say you're not.
Then pride lifts your head
And you vow that if people don't care to come
Unless you call
You won't call.
Not now. Not ever.
They've left me with God as my only real Friend.
Who knows me completely and still loves me.
And they wonder why
I'm slowly starting to switch off humans.
And dislike company.
Unless I'm helping someone.
Me, and my laptop, and the silence.
Can't stand the chatter anymore.
Growing to love the silence.
I wonder why it hurts.
